Posting it!

This is a post and I'm gonna send it. right now I'm watching Malcolm in the middle and thinking about how very very sad my weekend was. as i think of this i realize that the last people that hang with are now down to two couples in their 20s and it usually consist of fast food a long conversation TV and then me complaining to myself into the evening about life as they snuggle on couches and i hitch my car-less ass home to a broken house. I'm like the fifth wheel, i don't know why i even go other than if i didn't then id never get out of the house, and i often wonder if I'm going to get increasingly lonely as my life goes on. it also seems duller more pointless and more meaningless as it goes on. i feel like I'm just coasting through life and i feel like hiding things and defending my opinions is just stupid so Ive become very blunt and as a result I've become very blunt and as soon as my all the fight in me has died i wont be able to argue with you being offended or disagreeing and ill just dishonestly agree with what ever stupid bitch or complaint people have. if i manage to not fuck up in this last chance i have at not being kicked out of college i might be able to gain enough confidence and credentials to have a mediocre life but chances are ill probably die in some arbitrary way and not make it to 45 like my father died and his father died and his father died. none of them saw their children in adulthood.

My world is not black, not sad, but a somber Grey, okay fine maybe majority of people in the world have more than me but its really not about a lack of material objects, and i honestly the other people have more than you has always been as stupid to me as the you always think you're right argument. everyone always thinks they are right its a fact, if you don't think your right your either telling a lie or you just walked into a paradox. if other people suffering and having less than you gives you any sort of satisfaction then you are a horrible smitefull person.

man u needa get laid

he really does

wont help a thing, plus even masturbating is getting boring which now makes a huge hole in my life. it used to be if i was ever bored and alone id just masturbate not even if i was horny just like well why not. now its like ehh... that's allot of work and I'm like desensitized by porn so its gotta be like really weird now otherwise I'm like this is boring, all they're doing is fucking.

whatever its different or w/e but like i don't even care anymore I'm becoming asexual or something ill be in a group and then everyone will like stop talking cause like hot girl walks by and everyone stops and stares and I'm like hey pay attention! staring not gonna make her get with you, either go get her or stay in the conversation and everyone like yeah thanks she heard now it was really obvious and its like the fact you gotta stare already proves shes outta your league. also like just put shit outta your head that's what i do, just push desires and hopes and dreams into a corner of your brain and never let it come back out.

wow

second

third.... dude... read a book.. play a sport....get a job.... FUCKING DO SOMETHING!!!

yea 2 much to read XD.

im honestly embarrassingly bad at everything. books just arent an option i hate reading illnever get into it it hurts my eyes i dont want to get glasses jsut so i can read and i get sore trying to sit still for hours and hold the damn thing and its just boreing books nevr intrested me and i only like funny movies and honestly i cant finish moveis and i use tv basically as a cure for insomnia which is working less and less as life goes on sicne i lost intrest uin my favortie shows.

i always counted on just coasting through life, just every mourning taking a deep breath and say its gonna be okay just don't think about it, taking life a day at a time and trying to suppress my boredom, loneliness, and emptiness. but i feel like instead of coasting i'm being dragged, life is dragging me down and everyday it seems harder and harder to go to sleep harder and harder to wake up in the mourning, any day i don have work ill sleep over 16 hours and stay awake maybe 10 and sleep again. it feels like im just waiting to die. it doesn't matter il probably be let go from work soon anyway as my work week has slowed to two maybe 2.5 days of work on random days and i wont be able to get ajob for the remaining 6 weeks and ill go back to school broke and that probably doesn't matter cause ill probably just end up failing out.

i deleted some posts noone proly saw yet, i my posts are stupid, and i know this while im wirteing but i just keep on doing it and i post it idk y but i do and i just make myslef look like idk, this i guess, but i supose this is me.

you should wright a comic strip... for css and twisted cats.... you seem to have a comical emo/ something about you...you make me chuckle. give cartoon drawings even if there stick figures. i am curious to see what you would come up with.

Thats a good idea smokes , i bet ur mind can come up with some kind of pics 2 xP

idk about ilistartions, at one time i was good at drawing, epsecialy with like oil crayons but i decided i didnt like to draw and i stoped, i havent drew anything impresive in 5 years and i tried not very long ago and its all gone i cant even draw my hand anymore i forgot all techniques i used. im really shaky but at the end it would cmoe out good. like i was never geting awards but i was better than most people in the classroom of 32 or so kids and the teachers remembered my name and 4 years later told my sister they were disapointed that she wasnt as good as me. my mom used to say if you can draw this why cant you learn to write legibly and i never had a good answer but i supose it was cause i never liked writeing and never cared if i did it right.

Aesop Rock "Daylight" -- "Life's not a bitch, life is a beautiful woman,
Your only call her a bitch because she won't let you get that pussy,
Maybe she didn't feel y'all shared any similar interests,
Or maybe you're just an asshole who couldn't sweet talk the princess"

life can be what you make it but sometimes i just wanna be sad, and cranky, and start hopelessly stupid arguments. sometimes though i'm that way for too long and get self destructive, but i usually bounce back to semi-normal without help but i have needed eye openers and interventions.